i honestly feel that by the end of this holiday i will sink into depression. as it is, i haven't felt much excitement in my life for some time now. things that i liked to do or enjoyed doing don't appeal to me that much anymore. for example, listening to music, attending a concert or playing soccer. i used to feel a stir in my heart before going for soccer, like my heart was very light and there were butterflies in it. it used to be an escape for me and i couldn't wait to play it. and even attending a concert, i would be restless the night before but now playing soccer is like a chore to me and the last concert i went for was just... a concert. i did not feel the euphoria that i have felt before during other concerts.

i don't know why i am feeling this way but i know i have been feeling this way for a long time. furthermore, i decided not to work this holiday so technically i'll be home the whole day everyday. i'll definitely go mad.

maybe i just need something new and exciting in my life. something i have never felt before, like a spark of emotions. i'm not depressed enough to kill myself (i'm not that dumb to do so) so i feel i have hope in me. something or someone needs to reignite it. i can start spamming driving lessons and gym. but i doubt it is enough to bring back the spark.

so yeah, hopefully i'll survive this holiday and keep my sanity. i don't wanna end up like bo mun (no offense man). but yeah, got to figure something out.

peace.